Friday, March 17, 2017

You Gotta Pay the Troll Toll

Not really sure why, but I’ve been on Yahoo Answers a lot lately. If you’re not familiar, it’s kind of like Reddit only with a dash more hatefulness added in. But if you’ve actually been on there and seen some of the horrible things people say, a more realistic analogy would be that is like Reddit’s older brother who went off to college and developed a drinking problem. Strangely enough, both sites were developed in 2005. With that in mind maybe a better analogy is that Yahoo Answers is like Reddit’s evil conjoined twin that was removed at birth and now they keep it in the attic and feed it fish heads.


I don’t know the exact history of it all but I feel like these Q & A style forums only made the Internet troll epidemic far worse. Don’t get me wrong, they were most definitely around before the Q & A forums, but trolls had to be a nomadic creature…traveling from website-to-website if they wanted to survive. However, after the invention of the first Internet forum, trolls were now given communities to thrive in.

No one knows for sure how the first Internet forum came about, but Norse Internet troll lore states that they came about when the two distant sides of the Internet (cat memes and pornography) tried to reach a treaty. In an attempt to do so, they built a bridge of harmony over the Internet. However, this backfired horribly…because we all know how Trolls love bridges. Before the Internet knew what happened, droves of trolls moved in underneath the bridge, and the supposed birth of the first Internet forum came to pass. In addition, many Internet troll historians believe that the Q & A forum is where the stereotype of a troll appearing out of nowhere to ask you 3 amazingly asinine questions in order for you to continue, first came about.

Ok, so that might be laying it on a bit thick. But realistically I’m sure a strong 25-40% of people in online Q & A forum communities must have pencils lodged up their asses cause those places are full of Trolls.

At first, I thought people that said horrendously dumb shit on Yahoo Answers were just part of the troll community. My first reaction to this was to take up the troll mantle and anytime someone asks a question anonymously with intent to troll, I troll the fuck out of them anonymously. I saw myself as the Yahoo Answer’s version of Batman. Quickly I realized that this was a horrible idea. It wouldn’t matter that I’m a vigilante troll, I’d still be a troll and that would make me no better than the others.

After this, I had a second realization. There are already anti-trolls on Yahoo Answers (and probably Reddit too). They break up the depressing thickets of racist, sexist, xenophobic comments (e.g. “So insert marginalized group here wants rights, huh???”) with beautifully dumb posts (e.g. “You, Me, and Farty McGee makes three!”). That’s when I gained respect for some of them because they are like the comedians of Yahoo Answers (again…that might be laying it on a bit thick). If they do nothing else, they make the extremely shitty parts of Yahoo Answers seem absurd by proxy. Below are a few highlights.

Not only did people have pubic hair in the 60's, I'm pretty sure that their pubic hair also had pubic hair. 


And the pièce de résistance…

My favorite thing in the world about this picture, other than the fact that it's in the ‘Health’ section is that one of the ads below the question is, “See if they’re cheating on you”. I think I can field this one. If you’re farting on your hands, no matter if you think it’s ‘healthy’ or not then yes, without a doubt they’re probably being cheated on.