Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Kale N Quinoa?


I hate diets so hard! It’s just so difficult to stay on one. I mean I try to eat as healthy as possible but that only works for so long before I find myself in the same vicinity as BBQ ribs. After the first bite I get all blackout rib drunk – 35 minutes later I come to – BBQ sauce all over my face, all the ribs are gone, and my family is cowering in the corner of the room frightened out of their minds. Seriously, it’s like seeing a walker go after somebody on The Walking Dead.   

Me, EVERY SINGLE TIME I’m on a diet and then smell ribs!

Possibly another reason why it’s hard for me to consistently maintain self-control with what I eat is because I’m starting to notice that I smell like deep fried food, like ALL THE TIME. I know that’s a pretty weird sentence to hear out of someone who claims to try and eat healthy, so let me explain. Currently, I’m living with my parents while I’m going back to college (if I haven’t mentioned it before). Now I’m not trying to be the stereotypical person who took 1 psychology class and now “everything is their parent’s fault” buuuut…this one is totally my parent’s fault. To be fair though, we live in the Deep South of the United States…a place where if it’s not deep fried, it’s fucking raw and inedible. Basically, everything they cook is fried and I’m going to have to buy new clothes when I move out.   


With all this in mind, I think I have developed a new technique that I hope will keep me from eating everything around me. So what’s my plan to tackle dieting? I take pictures of me flipping off everything that I don’t need to eat and make it my phone’s lock screen. 

(DISCLAIMER: This kind of shit will get you kicked out of a Taco Bell, like every time! Especially if you walk around and flip off everyone’s food individually, as opposed to just flipping off the actual menu and leaving.)   

The following are a few examples:

Cinnamon Rolls…i.e me slowing my roll (slowing my roll is also what I call it when I try fasting).


I told you they deep fry everything. Seriously...I don't even know what that is.


In addition, I’ve also gone around and done the opposite with things that I should eat a lot more.